If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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