I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
