no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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