I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Randomize
