and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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