I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
