well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
