Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
