I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
