dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
So. Much. Porn.
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