I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
