You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
