i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
