I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
