I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
where are you?
Hypothermia
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
