ya dads aren't the best wingmen
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
