Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
