Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I am one with the molecules
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
