The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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