May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
