Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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