She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
