If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
