Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
