At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
