Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
How does it feel to date your dad?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
