new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
