just tell him i said nine months
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
