I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
should my penis look like a turkey
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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