hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
