420 ftw
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
