why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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