Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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