I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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