you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
