Don't you send me to vm
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize