the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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