I can tuck mytits in my pants
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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