we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
