UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
