i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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