There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
