I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Randomize
