you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company