Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

(323): View more from California

rhymes with "ouble enetration"

Fav 33 4271 988
share tweet
(512): View more from Texas

Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.

Fav 42 5472 998
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(817): View more from Texas

Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though

Fav 16 7578 1513
share tweet
(270): View more from Kentucky

The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...

Fav 8 5808 1913
share tweet
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(918): View more from Oklahoma

Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?

Fav 2 2290 1004
share tweet
(585): View more from New York

I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus

Fav 2 1897 926
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(503): View more from Oregon

She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?

(503): View more from Oregon

Employee of the year! :)

Fav 5 2220 901
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(519): View more from Ontario

I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.

Fav 3 1321 601
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(403): View more from Alberta, CA

They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.

Fav 1 414 139
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT