I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
