my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off