Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
