I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
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i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
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By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.