so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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