3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
