Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
If I die, sorry about rent.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
