i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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