hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
