I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
