you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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