so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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