I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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