Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
