i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
