Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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