And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
