I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
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We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
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nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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