I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
