dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
