This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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