So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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