don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
