wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
