His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
