i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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