just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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