2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
