i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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