ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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