You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
