I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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