yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
