3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
That accounts for only three of the penises
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
