his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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