i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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