My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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