Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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