I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize