I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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