wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
