rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
