It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
