You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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