Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
