he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
